Archive | Complete Shit

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Saving Christmas

“Santa has the exact same letters as Satan!”– Yes, someone actually says that. Directed by: Darren Doane Written by: This fucking thing had writers??? Starring: Kirk Cameron, Darren Doane, Bridgette Cameron The H-Bomb: Kirk (Kirk Cameron) is attending a Christmas party at his sister’s house, when he notices that his brother-in-law, Christian (Darren Doane), seems […]

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Fantastic Four

A Fantastic Bore Directed by: Josh Trank Written by: Jeremy Slater, Simon Kinberg, Josh Trank (screenplay) Stan Lee, Jack Kirby (comic) Starring: Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Reg E. Cathey, Toby Kebbell The H-Bomb: For pretty much his entire childhood, Reed Richards (Miles Teller) has been working on a teleportation device, […]

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The Ridiculous 6

Ridiculously Bad Directed by: Frank Coraci “Written” by: Tim Herlihy, Adam Sandler Starring: Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Luke Wilson, Taylor Lautner, Terry Crews, Jorge Garcia, Nick Nolte The H-Bomb: Having been an avid moviegoer for the bulk of my 34 years on this planet, I can say, with confidence, that the most painful kind of […]

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Knock Knock

Who’s There? Eli Roth, trolling the movie going public. Directed by: Eli Roth Written by: Eli Roth, Nicolas Lopez, Guillermo Amoedo (Screenplay), Anthony Moverman, Michael Ronald Ross (Story) Starring: Keanu Reeves, Lorenza Izzo, Ana de Armas The H-Bomb: Evan Webber (Keanu Reeves) is a devoted husband and father who has the house to himself for […]

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Intrigue has never been less intriguing. Directed by: James McTeigue Written by: Philip Shelby Starring: Milla Jovovich, Pierce Brosnan, Dylan McDermott, Angela Bassett, Robert Forster The H-Bomb: Kate Abbott (Milla Jovovich) is an agent with the State Department stationed at the U.S. Embassy in London, where she is tasked with weeding out Visa applicants who […]

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