This game is all too familiar.
The H-Bomb: Sports agent JB Bernstein (Jon Hamm) has recently gone into business for himself, and thus far, things aren’t going so great. His agency hasn’t exactly taken off, and his last great prospective client, some NFL hotshot, has just signed with someone else. So, left in the lurch, JB is watching an Indian cricket match on TV late one night, when he is hit with an idea that may be either pure genius or pure insanity: To recruit cricket players from India to come pitch professionally in the States. After all, there have never been any Indian players in Major League Baseball, and baseball isn’t that different from cricket, so… why not?
With this novel idea in mind, JB recruits the help of veteran baseball scout, Ray Poitevint (Alan Arkin), and travels to India to find his star pitchers. After an exhaustive talent search, he finds two, Rinku (Suraj Sharma) and Dinesh (Madhur Mittal), with throwing power and potential. Bringing them back to the States, JB has one year to get them ready for the Major League tryouts. Pitching coach Tom House (Bill Paxton) doesn’t think it can be done, as Rinku and Dinesh have never played baseball before in their lives. But for JB, whose entire career is at stake, failure is not an option. He must do everything he can, on field and off, to whip them into shape, while learning a few life lessons and, of course, becoming a better person.
Will our culture shocked heroes be ready in time for their shot at the big leagues? Well, this is an underdog sports movie from Disney… so what do you think?
Jon Hamm is one smooth bastard. He’s got everything a leading man should have; presence, looks, charisma, talent… he is the best thing that Million Dollar Arm has going for it, and he carries the movie adeptly. That’s why it’s such a bloody shame that the movie itself, based on a true story, is so cliched, predictable, and follows the inspirational sports movie formula straight down the line, making zero deviations along the way. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not terrible. It accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish, which is to please the crowds and put a smile on their face, trouble is… I’ve seen this movie, so have you, and so has everyone else.
Anyone who has ever seen a movie before will be ahead of Million Dollar Arm at every step, checking off the list of cliches as they happen, and waiting for that feel good ending, the one we all know is coming, to come. It really is too bad, because Hamm demonstrates that he has the chops to tackle a leading role. He’s funny, he’s likable, he’s compelling. Even when he’s behaving like a selfish, abrasive ass, as he does for much of the film (check the ridiculous way he reacts when one of the would-be pitchers gets an injured hand), he’s impossible not to like. He could very well be another Clooney in the making, if he ever lands a better vehicle than this one.
Sadly, Hamm is not the only one who suffers from the mechanically routine material. Paxton and Arkin both get moments in which they speak from experience and dispense wisdom, but ultimately, both are underused. Hell, Arkin disappears for such a lengthy period, I forgot he was even in the movie! Sharma, who was fantastic in Life of Pi, and Mittal, who was great in Slumdog Millionaire, are both saddled with roles that are woefully underdeveloped and mostly played for laughs. One of them likes Eminem, the other strikes goofy poses before throwing a baseball, and when they see a pizza for the first time, they both jerk back as if it might attack them. Oh, and they both like to pray a lot. That’s about all there is to their characters.
The only other actor who gets to shine, aside from Hamm, is Lake Bell as Brenda, the tenant renting his guest house who, you guessed it, becomes his love interest. She’s smart, she’s sassy, and she has nice chemistry with Hamm. Bell acquits herself well in a “chick” role that’s decently written, for a change. Unfortunately, director Craig Gillespie (Fright Night 2011) lets the rest of his potentially fantastic cast go to waste.
With a running time of over two hours, Gillespie also does the movie no favors by allowing it to go into extra innings. It never really becomes boring, though I did feel the length by the end, and a story this familiar should have been tighter. Aside from the performances by Hamm and Bell, I also liked how the two-way culture shock was cleverly conveyed; first with JB in India, bitching about everything from the food, to the drivers who never stop honking their horns, and then with the Indians in America, who react to everything they see as if they were Martians visiting Earth for the first time.
The lighthearted tone goes a long way in keeping this PG Jerry Maguire watchable throughout. However, calling a movie watchable is hardly a ringing endorsement. Honestly, I can’t really endorse Million Dollar Arm at all, because despite being slick, well crafted, and well acted, it is, when all is said and done, a tired, overplayed sports flick that we have indeed seen many, many times before.
