Freakin’ millennials!
TLDR 30 second Stardust review
Directed by: David Leitch
Written by: Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Ryan Reynolds
Character by: Rob Liefeld, Fabian Nicieza
Cast: Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, Josh Brolin, Julian Dennison
Swift shot: Let’s face it, it would take a freakin’ miracle to top Deadpool, a film that broke so many R-rated records that others meekly tried to ride the mouthy merc’s butt-plugs to lessor success.
It’s not really fair to compare any other film to Deadpool, because quite frankly, perfection is, as one bearded Jedi master once said, elusive. But, you know how you feel when you get together again with one of your crazy friends that you only see every few years? Well, that’s how I felt seeing Deadpool 2.
I just wanted to hang out with my irreverent, insane buddy, get into trouble, break some rules, and have fun. And that’s exactly what happened. This film might not be big on substance, unless you count substance abuse, but it’s a crack fire of fun! There’s plenty of dick jokes, violence, fourth-wall shattering, and oh so many one-liners that you’ll need to see it more than once to hear them all.
At my screening, we kept missing punchlines, because people were laughing so long from just the delivery of every gag.
So, the plot of Deadpool 2
As a trainee, Wade’s first mission with Colossus and Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand) is to help subdue a mutant who is untethered by rage. He’s a little, fat shit millennial who calls himself Firefist (Dennison) because I guess Taserface was taken?
Anyway, Wade does his best as a trainee to shut down this little, whiny pissant, but as Wade is pretty quick at putting things together, he soon realizes there’s more to Russell, Firefist than the X-Men know. He’s just misunderstood . . . VOMIT! But, yea, there’s more to Russell than just a mean kid who sets people on fire. There’s a reason he’s evil, and that becomes the whole plot of the film – trying to “reach a millennial.”
Wade decides to go a different route and diverges from the X-Men’s plans and winds up shacking up with Russell. Meanwhile, in the future, there’s this Looper like story-line where we find out Russell basically has become a rotten egg. He’s about as evil as Veruca Salt without the parental support.
Cable (Brolin) is this future cop who comes to the past to sort the prick out, permanently. Again, Russell, who was one of the most annoying characters since Jar Jar Stinks, is the focal point of the whole film. Thankfully, there’s enough action and unexpected violarity [that’s my word for hilarious violence, FYPM if you use it] that I didn’t give a shit.
As things play out, Deadpool is dealing with his own crap, and he doesn’t have time to play Handmaid’s Tale to some Kiwi runt. Russell decides it’s better to make new friends, well, one friend who basically counts as maybe three, or four, even. And Wade has to eventually form an alliance with an adversary to help Russell find his way. He forms up a new team which is basically carried by this hot chick, Domino (Zazie Beetz) whose super power is luck.
I won’t reveal anything else about the plot or the characters, because their revelation is fun and when you see this force in action, well, you’ll see.
So, if you want to see your old ninja buddy, Wade slicing up bad guys and dealing with some heavy emotional shit whilst keeping you throughly entertained, you’ll enjoy this sequel. If you are a whiny SJW who finds fault with everything and needs a message for every God-damned movie – go find a box of rice cakes to suck on, because we are over your shit.
Just enjoy Deadpool 2 for fuck’s sake!
