"You had me at 'Fuck you.'" The H-Bomb: James Bonomo (Sylvester Stallone) is a hit-man based in New Orleans who, along with his partner of six years, carries out a hit on some coked up no-neck in a swanky hotel suite. Things get a bit messy, but, at the end of day, the job gets done and they hit a nearby watering hole to unwind. When Bonomo heads to the … [Read more...] about Bullet to the Head
Dick Flick
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (3D)
Witchin'! Swift shot: The Brothers Grimm version . . . this a'int! Gatling guns, grenades, all manner of technological marvels of malevolence are introduced into this goretastic version of the classic tale of the brother and sister who bested and baked a witch in her own oven. There is ill-placed profanity, some mild nudity and countless graphic, special … [Read more...] about Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (3D)
Gangster Squad
"Every man carries a badge." - Sgt. John O'Mara Swift shot: Brutality at its finest! In post-war America, Mickey Cohen runs Los Angeles with a vicious appetite for power and violence. The only people brave (or dumb enough) to stand up to him, The Gangster Squad, doesn't officially exist. If you can "stomach" intense violence, and have a real love … [Read more...] about Gangster Squad
V/H/S
Why mixing sub-genres is never a good idea. The H-Bomb: A gang of annoying douche bags, who typically earn money by selling videos of themselves sharking women, are hired to break into a house and steal a videotape. They're not told exactly what the tape is, just that they'll know it when they see it. So they break into the place, and find an old man dead in the living … [Read more...] about V/H/S
Red Dawn 2012
"For them, this is just a place. For us, it's home!" Swift shot: This is not your father's Red Dawn, this new Red Dawn is a homogenized, watered-down version with a lot less story and a lot less relevance. I started a rule about comparing remakes with the original when more than 20 years has passed, so I won't draw many more comparisons with the … [Read more...] about Red Dawn 2012
