“Machete don’t text”
Swift shot: You like action? You like people getting hacked, shot, stabbed and eviscerated? Yeah? You do? Well, cabron – ya gonna love this mojon! Machete is grindhouse-ethnic exploitation madness at its best, with level headed story-telling and just enough cheese to keep you chuckling throughout. Some choices were just a little too campy to merit a full five star rating, like the random bionic man foley effects when the head honcho repeatedly draws his katana – still a fun film not afraid to take some risks.
Truth be told, this is one I would normally rent, but I would recommend you shell out some pesos to see it with your vatos at the local drive-in to get the full effect.
Machete starts with brutal violence and ends the same, like you would expect anything less? This film had what I thought was lacking in The Expendables, an action flop for me, personally. Machete is raw and ugly, but the action was more believable and grotesque.
The prelude, shot with deliberate film “artifacts” intact (dust, hair, emulsion scratches, with 1970s style) exposes Machete (Danny Trejo) as a vulnerably naive Mexican Federale who is confronted with brutal betrayal. When the film really starts, after the awesome credits, the artifacts are removed and you are flashed forward three years later. Machete is now an illegal alien in Texas, struggling just to get a meal. The long gap never gets accounted for in the film, but the mystery adds to the story.
While Machete is trying to go about his life, he happens to gain the attention of the sinister Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hires him to kill a US Senator, McLaughlin (De Niro). If he refuses to do the job, Booth will have him killed – naturally. Jessica Alba holds her own playing the straight-laced ICE agent, Sartana (wasn’t that Zartan’s sister?) who enforces the law with a blind devotion – but faces a challenge of judicial faith when she crosses paths with Machete.
Combined with all of this political assassination intrigue, there exists an illegal organization known as “The Network” that may have something to do with the plot. The network is headed by a mysterious female leader, known only as “SHE”. (According to Amadarwin, SHE is a direct homage to CHE – nice catch, slanty). Lucky for Machete, he attracts the attention of the lovely Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who runs a taco truck in the city and is rumored to be SHE.
As with all great grindhouse films, hell breaks loose, shit goes wrong and Machete finds out there is more to Booth than initially feared. There are some choice cameos with Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, and even Don Johnson plays a sadistic vigilante, aka “Minuteman” IRL, that relishes his job, murdering illegals to keep his grand-daddy’s land Texas and not Mexico.
While there are overtly, non-subtle points made about the current hot-topic, illegal immigration, throughout director Rodriguez’ film . . . it is extreme farce. The characters are so vibrantly silly that you can’t help but laugh at most of them, especially Seagal as Torrez, the Mexican heffe that is pulling all the strings.
To all of those of you thinking, I don’t want to waste money just because De Niro is in it, note, his role is more than a mere cameo. Even little miss fucked-up, Lohan, gets to fill a few cylinders, firing off multiple guns in the grand stand-off climax that is sure to please everyone. And, yes, she uses stunt boobs during one scene, but she sheds her shyness later on.
This film is designed to be over-the-top insanity, clever dialog and pragmatic characters help drive a lot of the story, and the action is awesome. The kills in this film will be talked about for quite some time, in fact one kill is foreshadowed quite brilliantly. I won’t give it away, because it was brilliant – and if you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss it!
I set my expectations pretty low for this flick, and I gotta say, I was impressed. Not only was it a visually fun film, the message was contemporary and done tongue in cheek, so even right wing, gun-totin’ loons like me could sit back and laugh a bit. You will enjoy this film if you take it for what it is. If you are a film snob who looks at anything mainstream as pure popcorn crap, how miserable are you? Just enjoy this flick for everything it is – fun, gory, madness!
hehe, I think Lindsay is simply gorgeous. She’s so crazy, some might say stupid!
From the first sequence, Rodriguez telegraphed that this movie was supposed to be 'fun'…that is, if you are into female nudity and over the top violence. While I enjoyed the ride, the movie went from 'fun' to 'campy goodness' by the final fight scene. I was a little disappointed the dial drifted from 'fun' a little, but the movie still turned out better than I expected – which wasn't much to begin with.
I thought it was fun at times, but I did not like it near as much as Swift did. Why make a bad movie as an homage to bad movies? This appears to be Robert Rodriguez's version of Kill Bill, that takes itself even less seriuosly than Tarantino's homage to bad movies. Some of the dialogue was funny, but most was just awful. The acting was over the top on purpose I am assuming, but bad acting is bad acting, whether you are trying to do it or not. Too many times I found myself saying, what am I doing here? It seemed more like a movie a bunch of 16 year old boys would make, rather than a quality director like Rodriguez.. Definitely a renter, or just wait for it to come to the $5 bin and buy it.
This is why I became a critic in the first place, films like this. When I was a kid, my dad and I saw Raw Deal – and LOVED IT! I remember after leaving the theater, just to goad the old man on, I asked, "Hey dad, what did the critics give this?" To which he said, "Fuck the critics!" Indeed, dad, sometimes you just gotta enjoy a film for what it is, pure entertainment. I mean, isn't that WHY we get off our asses and sit in moldy seats, risk bed-bugs, lice, flu and the worst hell 'other people', in the first place? I know it is why I do, I WANT to be entertained, to every season there is a purpose, and so on. You walk into Machete expecting to be "moved" or "inspired"? I think not, so, to quote dear old dad, "Fuck the critics!"