Same old Smith.
The H-Bomb: Never say never, as the saying goes. After Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back came out in 2001, writer/director Kevin Smith said never again; he stated in no uncertain terms that he was retiring his beloved stoner duo, and declared that movie their swan song. I can’t say I blame him, at that point he was about 30, and while he had a good run with those characters, who had supporting roles in his first four films, as well as in the short lived Clerks cartoon series, he figured it was time to put them out to pasture and “mature” as a filmmaker.
As it turned out, Smith’s idea of maturing was to make the painfully bland Jersey Girl, a PG-13 sap-fest that appealed neither to critics, nor his fans, and died a mercifully quick death at the box office. Following this failure, Smith decided to go back to the well with Clerks II, a sequel to his hilarious indie debut that resurrected Jay and Silent Bob for what he insisted, again, would be the very last time.
Now, eight years and a few hit or miss flicks later, Smith is once again bringing the burn boys back, this time in animated form, for the feature Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie. Now, I’m a little bewildered as to why Smith wanted to come back to these characters. I wasn’t aware of any fans clamoring for another Jay and Silent Bob flick. Hell, I’m a fan of most of Smith’s work, and even I wasn’t exactly craving another one of these. So, aside from maybe Jason Mewes needing a job, I was at a bit of a loss as to why this was even being made. And after seeing it on Netflix… I’m still at a loss as to why it was made.
Written by Smith, and directed by Steve Stark, this noticeably cheap animated adventure picks up with Jay and Bob dealing pot in front of the local Quick Stop, as usual. Then, after a series of outrageous events that have fuck all to do with the plot, Silent Bob buys several scratch off tickets, and what do you know, one of them is a winner! So, with their new found fortune, Jay and Silent Bob decide to fulfill their lifelong dream of becoming costumed superheroes, and thus, Bluntman and Chronic are born. Yes, Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie is an origin story for Bluntman and Chronic… just what the world needed.
Anyhow, armed with dildo light sabers, dildo grappling hooks, and other such wonderful toys, the Hemp Knights set about cleaning the mean streets of Redbank, New Jersey of crime. While they are embraced by the general public, our heroes soon find themselves with a growing list of enemies. This eclectic assortment of evildoers includes; Dickhead, a villain with a penis for a head; Cocknocker (not voiced by Mark Hamill, who for once in his life has something better to do); a comic dweeb with a tablet imbedded in his chest; a token black guy who chronically masturbates; and finally, their ruthless leader, Lipstick Lesbian (Eliza Dushku), who assembled them all from a group therapy session.
Together, these arch-villains form the League of Shitters (Ughh), and they will stop at nothing to see Bluntman and Chronic destroyed. Now, it’s up to this most un-dynamic duo to defend not only the town of Redbank, but also themselves, amidst a sea of dick and fart jokes. And that’s all the plot that’s worth describing.
I wonder if maybe it would’ve helped if I had gotten high before sitting down to watch Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie. Something tells me… no, it wouldn’t have. At all.
There was a time when Kevin Smith’s profane toilet humor was genuinely fresh and funny, with real wit and heart behind it. That time has passed. What once was fresh, smart, and edgy, is now stale, grating, and just plain old hat. I can tell Smith is trying here, and that’s the damn problem, he’s trying way too hard, bombarding us with an endless barrage of anal sex and masturbation jokes. The sort of high-minded humor one would expect to hear from a 12-year-old who just discovered 4chan. Smith more than proves that his mind hasn’t become less vulgar with age, quite the opposite, in fact, as there’s some shit shown in here that would be considered downright pornographic in a live action film.
The Gen-X auteur’s sense of humor is as raunchy as ever. The trouble is, it just isn’t funny anymore. What once flowed freely from his filthy mouth, now comes off as very forced and obnoxiously juvenile. The gags seem utterly random, and the characters’ “humorous” actions often lack any kind of motivation, whatsoever. For example, why does Silent Bob wedge a bicycle into a dead guy’s butt crack? Because Kevin Smith thought it would be funny, that’s why. The film is jam packed with nonsensical shit like that, that’s meant to elicit oh-so-shocked laughter, but instead left me either rolling my eyes, or face palming, or giving my television the middle finger. This fucking thing didn’t make me laugh, or even smile, once. For Mr. Smith, that is a first.
But what’s worse than Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie being a bag of random gags, is that it’s a recycled bag of random gags, with Smith re-packaging many of the same jokes and dialogue from his earlier films. Some he could get away with calling throwbacks, like Dante popping in to say “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” Most, however, are just lazy rehashes of shit that was much funnier the first time around. All that’s new here are the numerous pop culture references, touching down on everything from Ninja Turtles, to Guardians of the Galaxy, to Spider-Man, to Batman, and of course, to Star Wars… and even those aren’t funny.
Nothing in this steaming, stinking mound of fertilizer is funny. Absolutely, positively nothing. There is no gentle way I can put it, I fucking hated Jay and Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie. Hated, hated, hated it! I’m actually shocked at how much I truly detested it. Even at a measly one hour and three minutes, it still managed to be an excruciating bore to sit through. I’d go as far as to say this was the longest hour and three minutes of my life. With the single exception of his producer credit on Drawing Flies, this pathetically desperate attempt to stay hip and relevant is easily the worst thing Smith has ever had his name attached to. It makes Cop Out look like an inspired work of comedic genius, I kid thee not.
At the time of this writing, Smith’s latest live action feature, Tusk, is days away from release. I can only hope that with that one, Mr. Smith will redeem himself. We shall see.
