Convoluted socialist manifesto for saps.
Directed by: Brad Bird
Written by: Damon Lindelof, Brad Bird
Cast: George Clooney, Britt Robertson, Hugh Laurie, Raffey Cassidy
Swift shot: For me, that’s two duds for Disney this year. First, Into the Woods and now Tomorrowland. Remember that annoying kid in The Last Action Hero? Well, he now has competition for being the most annoying character since Jar Jar Binks. Her name is Casey Newton, and she simply can’t stop asking questions. I shit you not, I kept waiting for her to ask, “Why do zebras have stripes?” or something equally vexing. If she was the only thing that sucked about this film, ok, but it sucked on many levels. Not ok! It was the most convoluted plot I’ve heard of since Signs, where an alien race invades a planet 75% made up an element that will kill them . . . and they’ve mastered intergalactic travel but can’t figure out how to use a damned ax to tear apart a basement door. Tomorrowland makes even less sense.
Thomas Robinson is Frank, a brash, mouthy kid who happens upon a magical door to a secret world of elite scientists that have sequestered themselves from society . . . to help “save” society. That’s the easy pill to swallow. How everyone travels to this spectacular land of sequestered snobs is just so much nonsense, a DNA imprinted Disney pin that instantly sends the “dreamer” to another dimension. And once the young dreamer, Frank arrives, it just gets more ridiculous.
Young Frank has a brief encounter with one of Tomorrowland’s recruiters, a little girl named Athena (Cassidy) who is trying to convince an invention judge to recruit Frank to this special Tomorrowland. Frank is a risk taker, and he cuts everyone in line at the Flushing Meadows 1964 World’s Fair to hitch a ride on the “It’s a Small World” ride. [Swift aside: As someone who has waited in many a Disney line, that part irked me more than I care to admit.] But, hey, he’s a dreamer, so he gets a pass – let’s see if I can use that on the line monitors during my next visit to Mouse-land. “It’s ok, I can cut – I am a dreamer.”
Anyway, Frank gets access to the magical city, and he leaves his hard working father (not a dreamer) behind to flit off to Fantasyland, err, I mean Tomorrowland. Disney is unforgiving to parents, in case you’ve never watched any of their films. But, I kept thinking, isn’t Frank’s dad going to worry? Frank made a jet-pack that almost worked, and his dad didn’t support him. Fuck Frank’s dad; I guess?
Now it’s modern day, and the aforementioned Casey Newton (Robertson) is a small-time criminal, or, I mean scientist, who has repeatedly managed to break into the secure NASA launch pad that waits to be destroyed. Once it is demolished, Casey’s dad is out of a job. Thanks, Obama! So, Casey keeps sabotaging the platform to keep her dad employed.
Casey somehow attracts the attention of Athena, the same little girl who recruited Frank in 1964, and she goes to the trouble of giving her one of those special pins that teleports her instantly to Tomorrowland. Then inexplicably, Athena doesn’t bother to make contact with Casey about said pin until the next morning, because, who needs instructions? This was just another vehicle for Casey to continuously ask questions . . . “What’s this pin?” “Where am I?” “Am I crazy?” “Are you the Easter Bunny?” Did I mention she annoyed me?
So, Casey and, now adult, Frank (Clooney) stumble upon a plot to make mankind dwell on their own demise, for their own good . . . or something. With Governor Nix (Laurie) sending out negative energy across the planet in the hopes that all these bad thoughts will somehow make us see the error of our ways and change our evil meat-eating, carbon polluting, free-thinking ways. You know, generally for us having the audacity to live, freely. Here we have another veiled attempt to prove that humans are terrible creatures, and only a handful of us can be trusted with free will. So, hail the dreamers, screw the rest of us. The dreamers will just explain to us how to live our mediocre lives under their careful instruction.
Together with Athena, Frank and Casey must find out why the Earth is doomed and battle robots who smile maniacally in a sick-twisted Disney villain grin for no apparent reason other than to terrify the viewer.
There is a lot of action in Tomorrowland, and it was handled well enough and was even remotely believable. But, the film makers relied too much on the improbable to be considered even remotely fascinating. When you finally get to the film’s message, it’s like some reverse Ayn Rand bullshit.
But, hey, it wasn’t all terrible. There were two bright shining sparks in the film, Keegan-Michael Key and Kathryn Hahn as the most out of this world comic shop owners ever. I am a big fan of Key’s and Hahn to a lesser degree. Also, Raffey Cassidy did an impeccable job as Athena, even during the most uncomfortable scene where she argues with her former sweetheart.
The special effects were right where you would expect them to be for a Disney film, and Walt would be happy with that. But, I wonder how he would feel about the story itself. They never actually mentioned him in the film, unless I missed it. They mentioned all these other innovators, but left the main man out? That was a blown opportunity.
The ideal is always wonderful, and that’s why it is an ideal and not reality.
There is nothing wrong with hope and aspiring to save the planet, but lost in Tomorrowland was how the “dreamers” planned on making that happen. And, was no one else bothered by the fact that they weren’t sure what would cause the end of the world, and they were throwing around a 1 kiloton detonator like it was a hacky sack? I kept thinking, well, there’s how the world is going to end, you idiots!
Here’s the thing, Walt Disney may have envisioned us all living in some future Utopia, but when the rubber meets the road, like when you see the reality of EPCOT, it becomes quickly clear that other people always ruin the fun. Other people, like me, those that dare question authority, yes, even (and especially) an elite group of people that want me to conform . . . or what? I mean, what happens to those left behind? Conform, or die? That’s some THX 1138 mentality, and we are seeing our kids lap up this conformist rationality like little sheep.
If you are a Disney freak, and you eat up an ideal future where people’s individual passions can be pushed aside, then Tomorrowland is for you. And, by definition, you are a “dreamer,” because a place like Tomorrowland can only exist in dreams! Oh, sure, there could be an invite only cabal of elite scientists stowed away somewhere secluded. But, hidden in the fashion we are led to believe in Tomorrowland, I think not.
Tomorrowland is one Disney pin I just can’t wear.
