Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Mechanical mayhem. . . delivered

Swift shot: This was the best and worst Transformers film to date.  Best, because the action was intense and emotional, worst because the cheese and in-your-face sexiness was heavily grated on top of everything.  This is another film that is a must see for theaters; there is a reason they call these things Summer Blockbusters folks – seeing them at home for the first time is just not right.  No doubt Michael Bay has every hope you will rush into theaters and do just that, and to his credit, he answered many previous critics in this one . . . but he is sure to gain more for his perversion of a classic, dare I say immortal, geek line that is painful to endure considering the character and the context in which it is used.

“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” starts in space, a battle rages on Cybertron, home planet to the transformers race.  With a fight over the most basic rights, Freedom vs. Tyranny – no surprise the Autobots are on the side of Freedom.  Alas, they are no match for the swarms of Decepticons.  So, in a last desperate maneuver of hope, they send a lone ship with the key to saving Cybertron within its confines.  The Autobot leader, Sentinel Prime can’t elude destruction and has to crash onto Earth’s moon.  Images reach NASA and JFK decides we have to beat the Russians to the crash site – at first it is believed to be a meteor, in fact it is Sentinel Prime’s ship, “The Ark”.  Right away you could start your eyes rolling, or you could just go with it and enjoy – I chose the latter as I did throughout most of the two-hour and forty minute long film.

Flash forward to the present, and we see Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is getting a lucky bunny from his incredibly gorgeous new blonde flame, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) whose entrance was definitely worthy of the Real 3D!  She met Sam at the White House, right after Obama gave Sam a medal for basically saving the planet, so I guess that is why she was attracted to him.  It doesn’t have to make sense, again, just go with it and you’ll enjoy most of the film.

Thing is, Sam might be a hero, but he is under National Security directives to not divulge any of how he got to be a hero to anyone – so he remains jobless after the government paid for his full education . . . for being a hero.  The film has moments of comedy relief as he interviews for a position in D.C.  His hottie, Carly works for a rich eccentric collector, Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) who is the definition of Mr. Inappropriate, but not in a funny way.  It’s clear he has eyes for Carly, yet he does give a recommendation for Sam to get hired by John Malkovich, and he and John Turturo provide half-hearted comedy relief to the film.  I found myself chuckling and smiling occasionally, but at other times I was just flabbergasted by some of the crap we were supposed to find funny.  Still, this wasn’t a comedy, but the brief moments of comedy were diluted because of the over-the-top ego-driven performances of some character acting folks.  For example, when Dutch (Alan Tudyk) is on screen opposite Turturo, it becomes a veritable SNL sketch where each one tries to get the other to break – in short, they over-acted in my opinion.

But, this wasn’t a comedy, it was a film that gets right down to the simplest question from political science 101, do you want to rule yourselves or be ruled?  The Autobots are now working for the black ops sections of the US forces and energon fields now protect our trusted secure sites. But during a classified mission in Chernobyl, Optimus Prime makes a terrible discovery that threatens to shatter the alliance with the U.S.  Seems the “humans” have been keeping secrets from Prime that he can’t just overlook, and quickly Prime discovers The Ark exists, and more importantly, Sentinel Prime can be revived. [I may have been imagining this, but the “Ark” incredibly resembled the ship discovered in “Alien” – the large ship I mean].

But, are the Decepticons behind everything?  Of course, that is why they are CALLED Decepticons, and that is why we have a film.  If everything was all beans and cornbread, the film wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long. So, Megatron is back, no shocker there, because they kind of hinted to it at the end of Transformers 2.  This time, as he is inept at facial repairs (apparently) he is sporting a nomad’s cloak and is mostly in the form of a desert junker truck.  He had a rather limited role in the film to be honest, and I didn’t feel his character was necessary, nor did I think his motives felt genuine.  In one scene he is being taunted by a human, which he essentially considers bugs, but instead of destroying this bug of a human, he allows it to live . . . that made no sense to me.  I don’t like it when villains spare heroes just because they are lead characters.  It’s weak, American writing, a European film would have Megatron rend that human limbless in a nano-second.  Still, Americans are allowed to dream that at the last second John Wayne will come in and save the day, REPEATEDLY – wish real life were like that, but us educated types know better.  Again though, I chose to just enjoy the film, mostly.

On enjoying the film, it was easy, because there were some incredibly imaginative special effects and some kick ass kill shots, where Bay slowed down the action, as mentioned before . . . answering his critics to let people experience as much as possible.  There were some intense, suspense-laden shots which looked seamless to me, even with the 3D perspective.  I didn’t feel like I was watching a cartoon, and when the action shifts to Chicago . . . you are gonna be BLOWN AWAY, shit gets real and except for one convenient, literal, entanglement of a lead transformer hero, the action is pretty serious.  The stakes for Earth have never been so high!

There are some nice cameos in the film that offer geeks like me something to cheer about, and I am not going to spoil the surprise for you here.  Suffice to say, Bay got a butt-load of talented folks to sign on to this, and a few people that you may or may not like actually played themselves to the delight of the audience I was with.  Everyone knows Megan Fox is out of this one, and while they took a jab at her in the film, they also paid homage to her hotness in several ways.  I think the Fox/Huntington-Whiteley debate will be like the Van Halen argument that still rages on – yes, Fox has a huge ego, but she also stirred a lot of publicity for the franchise and played the perfect “real life” villainess.

My one real complaint about the overall Bay series has been the same since the first one came out – it gets to be tricky to differentiate the transformers, and sometimes when there is a battle you are like, ok, I see two robots battling (oh, yes, I went there) and I just don’t know who is who – with exception to the leads, of course.  And, on that note, a few of the old guard transformers die in this film – and one execution scene may be too violent for anyone under eight or so.  Yes, they are robots, but yes, they do die.

Because this was such a long film, there is a need to screen it more than once to really capture every subtle thought or feeling.  But, I can say I didn’t walk out of the theater feeling like I had wasted my time, and I didn’t feel like it was going on and on, I am sure others will disagree.  I would wager there will be those out there that will delight in tearing this one to shreds . . . and, more power to them.  There is certainly enough to work with to be torn down, but this was not a crap movie.  “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” was exactly as billed, a 3D Summer Blockbuster, i.e. pop-corn flick that you see with your buddies and you just want to watch shit blow-up and have a few laughs.  As far as I am concerned, Bay delivered that and more. We say it a lot at iratefilms, but it bears repeating, some films are made for pure entertainment value – there doesn’t need to be a wise-ass script, a lesson, a twist or any of that shit – just entertain us and we are happy.  I think Dark of the Moon foot the bill.