• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Reviews
    • by Genre
      • Action
      • Animated
      • Biography
      • Chick Flick
      • Comedy
      • Complete Shit
      • Dick Flick
      • Documentary
      • Drama
      • Family
      • History
      • Horror
      • Indie Films
      • Musical
      • Mystery
      • Romance
      • Sci-fi & Fantasy
      • Short
      • Suspense
      • Thriller
      • Western
    • by Grouch
      • Alyn Darnay
      • Amadarwin
      • Billy K
      • David Limacher
      • Eric Chamberlain
      • H-Man
      • Joshua Diaz
      • Madison Swift
      • Michael Carter
      • Rachel Peters
      • Star Shine
      • Rick Swift
    • Throwback Theater
  • News
    • News
    • Podcast
    • Rants
  • Shop
Film Grouch

Film Grouch

Back in my day, films were great. What happened?

Transporter 3

November 25, 2008 by Rick Swift 3 Comments

1/5 - (1 vote)

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral.

Transporter 3

Unattractive and mildly entertaining.  The speed and pace of this movie are fast, but the action seems too tacked on and unbelievable to be interesting.  These days, action stars need grit and dirty fingernails – and this character needs more depth.  But, for action alone, you won’t be disappointed – there are plenty of twelve-on-one fight scenes with expected results.  The director did a decent job of contrast with the quick and lethal delivery of Statham’s lines compared to French actor, Francois Berleand as Inspector Tarconi – whose delivery was so lethargic you just know they tacked on a whole reel of wasted film.

Speaking of wasted reels, most of the dialog of this film was redundant and pointless.  The whole film could have been a half hour wordless animated graphic novel in sleek black and white – and then it might have been interesting.  There are over four scenes wherein food is discussed at length in some vain attempt at realism, which fails miserably and is almost painful to watch.

The acting was miserable in most scenes, and downright pointless in several.  Saved only by evil bad guy numero uno, Mr. Johnson played by Prison Break’s Robert Knepper – he seemed genuine in scenes where he lost control, while attempting, in vain, to be in complete control throughout his inane mission.

And, how many more movies can Jason Statham star in where he has to keep moving or die?  I liked it the first time I saw it, or didn’t actually, when it was called Crank. I just saw that they are already shooting for a release date in 2009 for Crank 2 – is there no end?

This film irked me because they used that cheesy speed motion cinematography from 60s era Love Bug movies to show some of the car chases in super fast speed.  Aren’t we passed that now, and if we aren’t, do a better job at fooling us, please.  The “message” of this movie was the final straw for me; the evil company hell bent on dumping toxic waste goes through this elaborate scheme to dump it in Eastern Europe – when everyone knows they would really just move on to the next nation that would actually accept their bribes.

The only thing that could have saved this movie was some gratuitous sex.  If you are going to see it for that reason alone, connect the dots on Natalya Rudakova’s face as the damsel, doofus in distress Valentina who is so annoying and weak you almost root for the bad guy at the end – just to end her pointless direction, and realize Ukranian women are not like the Russians – they don’t bare more than ankle bones and peticoats, apparently. I was sitting next to a lesbian who sighed heavily when the “sex scene” was over – we both looked at each other, like, that was it?  Yes, that was it, and please heed my advice, save your $10- $12 bucks and don’t even rent this one in some vague attempt to appear cool, as only teens and speed freaks will like this spoon fed tripe.

Filed Under: Reviews

About Rick Swift

South Florida native, Marine Corps veteran, former choirboy and violinist. He's seen much of the world and lives for films. Swift created FilmGrouch to counter so-called "experts" who forgot how to enjoy movies. He's just a regular, red-blooded American who wants to be entertained. X him @Filmgrouch

Primary Sidebar

The Film Grouch Show!

Did You Read These Reviews?

  • Eagle Eye
    By Rick Swift
  • Saving Christmas
    By H-Man

GREAT YOUTUBES

Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump.

Saturday Night Live. Stream now on Peacock: https://pck.tv/3uQxh4q

Subscribe to SNL: https://goo.gl/tUsXwM
Stream Current Full Episodes: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live

WATCH PAST SNL SEASONS
Google Play - http://bit.ly/SNLGooglePlay
iTunes - http://bit.ly/SNLiTunes

SNL ON SOCIAL
SNL Instagram: http://instagram.com/nbcsnl
SNL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/snl
SNL Twitter: https://twitter.com/nbcsnl
SNL TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nbcsnl

GET MORE NBC
Like NBC: http://Facebook.com/NBC
Follow NBC: http://Twitter.com/NBC
NBC Tumblr: http://NBCtv.tumblr.com/
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/nbc
NBC Instagram: http://instagram.com/nbc

#SNL #DaveChappelle #SNL48 #BlackStar

390.3K 46.7K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy5DMkU4NTY1QUFGQTYwMDE3

Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue - SNL

16.8M views November 13, 2022 1:51 am

W has compiled all the most sensational moments from the first season of the hit series 'ASMR interview'. Relax and enjoy the electric tingles from soothing whispers and sounds generated by A-list celebrities like Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot, Jake Gyllenhaal, Lucy Hale, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson, Emily Ratajkowski, Aubrey Plaza, Ashley Graham, and Melissa Benoist.

Still haven’t subscribed to W on YouTube? ►► http://bit.ly/wyoutubesub

ABOUT W
The Who, What, Where, When, and Why in the world of fashion and style. W provides the ultimate insider experience with an original, provocative approach to art, culture, videos, travel, fashion, and beauty.

Best of ASMR: Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot and More Explore ASMR with Whispers and Sounds | W Magazine

116K 3.5K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy4yQUE2Q0JEMTk4NTM3RTZC

Best of ASMR: Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot and More Explore ASMR with Whispers and Sounds | W Magazine

6.9M views June 25, 2018 7:00 am

What is a Dick Flick Pick?  

Tactical Girl is trying to find a new job in this civvy world that's seemingly foreign.  She's starting this vlog to see if anyone has a job for her.  In the mean time, she's got a temp gig at Film Grouch, reviewing Dick Flick Picks.  What is a Dick Flick Pick?  Tactical Girl explains...

Featuring shirt by veteran-owned hellhoundapparel.com

Produced by Micah Haughey
Written by Rick Swift, Julia Ling
Assistant Producer Ryan Finlay
Title Graphics by Ernesto Moreno
Makeup by Exquisitely Madeup
"Lethal Breed" Shirt by Hell Hound Apparel

"Texas Techno" by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Artist: http://audionautix.com/

56 7

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy5DQ0MyQ0Y4Mzg0M0VGOEYw

Tactical Girl Explains the Dick Flick Pick

2.1K views April 2, 2018 3:18 am

REMASTERED IN HD!
Official video of Billy Idol performing Cradle Of Love from the album Charmed Life. Buy It Here: http://smarturl.it/x5mixo 
At the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards, the video was nominated for Best Male Video and Best Special Effects and won the award for Best Video from a Film
Like Billy Idol on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/BillyIdol 
Follow Billy Idol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/billyidol 
Official Website: http://billyidol.net/

#BillyIdol #CradleOfLove #Remastered #Vevo

165.2K 7.4K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy41QUZGQTY5OTE4QTREQUU4

Billy Idol - Cradle Of Love (Official Music Video)

29.5M views March 10, 2009 1:31 am

🌟 Turn ON Closed Captions for lyrics.
🔥 DragonForce Razer Customs ► https://bit.ly/3iZNOis
🥰 What Easter eggs did you find in the video? Watch again and leave a comment!

DragonForce Troopers of the Stars from the album Extreme Power Metal is inspired by the movie Starship Troopers. This official music video was filmed in Los Angeles California, before the pandemic with director Roboshobo.

DragonForce is a Grammy nominated platinum selling metal band. For over 20 years, DragonForce have toured around the world and shared the stage with many amazing bands including Iron Maiden, Metallica, Megadeth, Helloween, Sabaton, Nightwish, Powerwolf, Amon Amarth, Hammerfall, Amaranthe, Blind Guardian, Stratovarius, Avenged Sevenfold, Five Finger Death Punch, Rhapsody and many more bands on Nuclear Blast Records, Napalm Records.
#dragonforce #extremepowermetal #hermanli #samtotman #marchudson #geeanzalone #aliciavigil

SUBSCRIBE ► https://www.youtube.com/c/dragonforce?sub_confirmation=1
ENABLE ► Notification
FOLLOW ► @HermanLi on Twitch, Twitter, Instagram, Cameo and Discord
FOLLOW ► @DragonForce on Twitter and @DragonForcHQ on Instagram

Catch Herman Li Twitch livestreams, Monday - Friday
for more epic live reaction video, guitar playthrough, video gaming, guitar reviews, gear reviews, special guest sessions and more! ► https://twitch.tv/hermanli
Get your Herman Li shout out to friends ► https://cameo.com/hermanli

SOCIALS
Discord ► https://discord.gg/hermanli
Instagram ► https://instagram.com/dragonforcehq
Instagram ► https://instagram.com/hermanli
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/dragonforce
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/hermanli
Tiktok ► https://tiktok.com/@dragonforce
Tiktok ► https://tiktok.com/@hermanli
Facebook ► https://facebook.com/dragonforce

DRAGONFORCE
🌏 Tour Tickets & VIP ► https://dragonforce.com/shows
👕 Merch ► https://dragonforce.com/shop

🎸 OUR MUSIC
iTunes https://apple.co/2P2xTjx
Amazon https://amzn.to/3jOF1hN
Tidal https://bit.ly/348GDxn
Spotify https://open.spotify.com/artist/2pH3wEn4eYlMMIIQyKPbVR

🎥 CAST
Alien Overlord - Clint Tauscher
Pizza Kimmy - Katie Kelley
Pizza Steve - Jake Yocham
Pizza Monster - Brenna Cheney
Surprised Dad - Jaret Sacrey
Party Guests - Random Acts of Irreverent Dance (RAID)

19.5K 1.2K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy43NDhFRTgwOTRERTU4Rjg3

DragonForce - Troopers of the Stars (Official Video - Extreme Power Metal)

962.7K views August 27, 2021 4:00 am

The human race only gets stronger as new generations are born to help innovate the world in new ways, but imagine if, somehow, everyone stopped having babies and this was the last generation! Check out the huge impact not having children would have across the entire globe!

🔔 SUBSCRIBE TO THE INFOGRAPHICS SHOW ► https://www.youtube.com/c/theinfographicsshowOFFICIAL?sub_confirmation=1

🔖 MY SOCIAL PAGES
TikTok ► https://www.tiktok.com/@theinfographicsshow
Discord ► https://discord.gg/theinfoshow
Facebook ► https://www.facebook.com/TheInfographicsShow
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/TheInfoShow


💭 Find more interesting stuff on:
https://www.theinfographicsshow.com


📝 SOURCES:https://pastebin.com/P1UNFEFb

All videos are based on publicly available information unless otherwise noted.

11.7K 1.9K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy44Mjc5REFBRUE2MTdFRDU0

What If People Stopped Having Children

385K views November 11, 2022 10:15 am

Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump.

Saturday Night Live. Stream now on Peacock: https://pck.tv/3uQxh4q

Subscribe to SNL: https://goo.gl/tUsXwM
Stream Current Full Episodes: http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live

WATCH PAST SNL SEASONS
Google Play - http://bit.ly/SNLGooglePlay
iTunes - http://bit.ly/SNLiTunes

SNL ON SOCIAL
SNL Instagram: http://instagram.com/nbcsnl
SNL Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/snl
SNL Twitter: https://twitter.com/nbcsnl
SNL TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nbcsnl

GET MORE NBC
Like NBC: http://Facebook.com/NBC
Follow NBC: http://Twitter.com/NBC
NBC Tumblr: http://NBCtv.tumblr.com/
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/nbc
NBC Instagram: http://instagram.com/nbc

#SNL #DaveChappelle #SNL48 #BlackStar

390.3K 46.7K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy5DMkU4NTY1QUFGQTYwMDE3

Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue - SNL

16.8M views November 13, 2022 1:51 am

W has compiled all the most sensational moments from the first season of the hit series 'ASMR interview'. Relax and enjoy the electric tingles from soothing whispers and sounds generated by A-list celebrities like Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot, Jake Gyllenhaal, Lucy Hale, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson, Emily Ratajkowski, Aubrey Plaza, Ashley Graham, and Melissa Benoist.

Still haven’t subscribed to W on YouTube? ►► http://bit.ly/wyoutubesub

ABOUT W
The Who, What, Where, When, and Why in the world of fashion and style. W provides the ultimate insider experience with an original, provocative approach to art, culture, videos, travel, fashion, and beauty.

Best of ASMR: Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot and More Explore ASMR with Whispers and Sounds | W Magazine

116K 3.5K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy4yQUE2Q0JEMTk4NTM3RTZC

Best of ASMR: Margot Robbie, Gal Gadot and More Explore ASMR with Whispers and Sounds | W Magazine

6.9M views June 25, 2018 7:00 am

What is a Dick Flick Pick?  

Tactical Girl is trying to find a new job in this civvy world that's seemingly foreign.  She's starting this vlog to see if anyone has a job for her.  In the mean time, she's got a temp gig at Film Grouch, reviewing Dick Flick Picks.  What is a Dick Flick Pick?  Tactical Girl explains...

Featuring shirt by veteran-owned hellhoundapparel.com

Produced by Micah Haughey
Written by Rick Swift, Julia Ling
Assistant Producer Ryan Finlay
Title Graphics by Ernesto Moreno
Makeup by Exquisitely Madeup
"Lethal Breed" Shirt by Hell Hound Apparel

"Texas Techno" by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Artist: http://audionautix.com/

56 7

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy5DQ0MyQ0Y4Mzg0M0VGOEYw

Tactical Girl Explains the Dick Flick Pick

2.1K views April 2, 2018 3:18 am

REMASTERED IN HD!
Official video of Billy Idol performing Cradle Of Love from the album Charmed Life. Buy It Here: http://smarturl.it/x5mixo 
At the 1990 MTV Video Music Awards, the video was nominated for Best Male Video and Best Special Effects and won the award for Best Video from a Film
Like Billy Idol on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/BillyIdol 
Follow Billy Idol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/billyidol 
Official Website: http://billyidol.net/

#BillyIdol #CradleOfLove #Remastered #Vevo

165.2K 7.4K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy41QUZGQTY5OTE4QTREQUU4

Billy Idol - Cradle Of Love (Official Music Video)

29.5M views March 10, 2009 1:31 am

🌟 Turn ON Closed Captions for lyrics.
🔥 DragonForce Razer Customs ► https://bit.ly/3iZNOis
🥰 What Easter eggs did you find in the video? Watch again and leave a comment!

DragonForce Troopers of the Stars from the album Extreme Power Metal is inspired by the movie Starship Troopers. This official music video was filmed in Los Angeles California, before the pandemic with director Roboshobo.

DragonForce is a Grammy nominated platinum selling metal band. For over 20 years, DragonForce have toured around the world and shared the stage with many amazing bands including Iron Maiden, Metallica, Megadeth, Helloween, Sabaton, Nightwish, Powerwolf, Amon Amarth, Hammerfall, Amaranthe, Blind Guardian, Stratovarius, Avenged Sevenfold, Five Finger Death Punch, Rhapsody and many more bands on Nuclear Blast Records, Napalm Records.
#dragonforce #extremepowermetal #hermanli #samtotman #marchudson #geeanzalone #aliciavigil

SUBSCRIBE ► https://www.youtube.com/c/dragonforce?sub_confirmation=1
ENABLE ► Notification
FOLLOW ► @HermanLi on Twitch, Twitter, Instagram, Cameo and Discord
FOLLOW ► @DragonForce on Twitter and @DragonForcHQ on Instagram

Catch Herman Li Twitch livestreams, Monday - Friday
for more epic live reaction video, guitar playthrough, video gaming, guitar reviews, gear reviews, special guest sessions and more! ► https://twitch.tv/hermanli
Get your Herman Li shout out to friends ► https://cameo.com/hermanli

SOCIALS
Discord ► https://discord.gg/hermanli
Instagram ► https://instagram.com/dragonforcehq
Instagram ► https://instagram.com/hermanli
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/dragonforce
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/hermanli
Tiktok ► https://tiktok.com/@dragonforce
Tiktok ► https://tiktok.com/@hermanli
Facebook ► https://facebook.com/dragonforce

DRAGONFORCE
🌏 Tour Tickets & VIP ► https://dragonforce.com/shows
👕 Merch ► https://dragonforce.com/shop

🎸 OUR MUSIC
iTunes https://apple.co/2P2xTjx
Amazon https://amzn.to/3jOF1hN
Tidal https://bit.ly/348GDxn
Spotify https://open.spotify.com/artist/2pH3wEn4eYlMMIIQyKPbVR

🎥 CAST
Alien Overlord - Clint Tauscher
Pizza Kimmy - Katie Kelley
Pizza Steve - Jake Yocham
Pizza Monster - Brenna Cheney
Surprised Dad - Jaret Sacrey
Party Guests - Random Acts of Irreverent Dance (RAID)

19.5K 1.2K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy43NDhFRTgwOTRERTU4Rjg3

DragonForce - Troopers of the Stars (Official Video - Extreme Power Metal)

962.7K views August 27, 2021 4:00 am

The human race only gets stronger as new generations are born to help innovate the world in new ways, but imagine if, somehow, everyone stopped having babies and this was the last generation! Check out the huge impact not having children would have across the entire globe!

🔔 SUBSCRIBE TO THE INFOGRAPHICS SHOW ► https://www.youtube.com/c/theinfographicsshowOFFICIAL?sub_confirmation=1

🔖 MY SOCIAL PAGES
TikTok ► https://www.tiktok.com/@theinfographicsshow
Discord ► https://discord.gg/theinfoshow
Facebook ► https://www.facebook.com/TheInfographicsShow
Twitter ► https://twitter.com/TheInfoShow


💭 Find more interesting stuff on:
https://www.theinfographicsshow.com


📝 SOURCES:https://pastebin.com/P1UNFEFb

All videos are based on publicly available information unless otherwise noted.

11.7K 1.9K

YouTube Video UExYeWVGQXNoeVl2UHRPb1hsWVVDUVZzbDJ3c1R2MEhJVy44Mjc5REFBRUE2MTdFRDU0

What If People Stopped Having Children

385K views November 11, 2022 10:15 am

Footer

Letterboxd is great for creating Top Movie lists and connecting with other movie lovers.

A fun Star Wars Podcast I co-host!

Working with Veterans to produce some terrific films and more!

Copyright © 2025 · Magazine Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program

Lightbox image placeholder

Previous Slide

Next Slide