Hanna

“Vomitorium”

Swift shot:  I was actually disgusted when I left the theater after the credits rolled on this incredibly slow-paced farce of a thriller, with freakishly cartoonish inept “bad-guys” who are supposed to come across as somehow “lethal and scary”.  It failed to entice me, intrigue me, immerse me, but most-importantly, and least excusable, entertain me.  Hudson Hawk had more credibility!

I was really excited to see Hanna, of the two films I screened this week.  I had my hopes set really high.  But, other than Cate Blanchett’s performance, and at times, Saoirse Ronan’s being let off her dead stare leash, this film lacked anything worthwhile.

Hanna is a teenager whose whole existence has been about vengeance, and while I bought into that scheme with Kick Ass’s Hit Girl, Hanna left me unimpressed.  First, she is a buck nothing and seemingly can dispatch all manner of highly-trained, yet somehow completely fucking inept agents and bad-guys with her bare-hands.  Of course, since it is so in vogue these days, the two are one in the same, yes, folks, this “original” piece picks on Hollyweird’s favorite whipping boys at Langley.  Oh, granted, as only they can, they claim it is some rogue faction of the agency who have crossed the line.

Hanna tries to be one part spy thriller, one part road trip, one part fish out of water, one part freak show and by the time you see all those parts smashed together, it is all a big jumbled mess with little, to no, character exposition.  Nothing, in my opinion, is really resolved, and I really didn’t care.  That is a sign of a terrible story, if I don’t give a rat’s ass about what happens to any of these characters.  Plus, Hanna is the least interesting character in the film.

I don’t blame Ronan, she really impressed me in The Lovely Bones.  She seemed to be directed to look feeble, yet feral, and loveable yet have no emotion.  In the rare chances she was able to exercise her acting chops, she was immediately launched into some artsy-fartsy “European” shots, where the strangest soundtrack served as a backdrop to dialog free moments that lasted too long in a movie rife with disjointed editing and direction.  Joe Wright directed Hanna as well as several of my least favorite films, chiefly Atonement and The Soloist, the latter of which put me to sleep twice!

Hanna wasn’t complete crap; I really enjoyed some of the peripheral characters, and it did make me laugh a few times.  Several pieces were almost interesting, but again, the director lacked the ability to put it all together to be great.  It was like watching a kid with a coloring book who has all the elements to put together something decent.  But, somehow, Wright managed to color outside the lines throughout, with only a glance here or there of brilliance.

This would get a solid 1.5 stars but for Blanchett’s ability to make something amazing out of nothing – that being the script.  I say it all the time, for a movie to be effective, it can’t be tremendous at one thing and just flat-line on every other element.  Man, even the soundtrack was annoying, where cell phone ring tones were spliced to create, at first, annoyance that some douche-bag had a cell phone go off in the theater – nope, just the weird ass soundtrack.

Some idiot savant (sans savant) out there will say, oh, Rick, you just didn’t “get it” – bullshit, I will stand up against ANY rebuttle towards this review, this movie was just not good, period.  Granted, for every film there is a person out there that will just love the shit out of it, and no amount of sense can be pummeled into their heads.  I, for one, love Red Dawn, some people think it is a shit sandwich, fine, so to the few out there that think Hanna was a masterpiece of legendary cinema, I say, you can have Hanna, I will take D.A.R.Y.L. thanks!