Borderland

“The border has no memories”

Swift shot:  After watching this, you will need one, a stiff shot of whiskey and a few minutes watching Comedy Central!  This film will stick in your chest, as you are reminded, there are worse things than death – and the term mercy will take on a whole new meaning.

From the get go, I knew this was gonna disturb me . . . a lot.  If you are a fan of Ghost Hunters, you know Jason is always alluding to a super-natural event that haunts him to this day.  It’s what he uses as a kind of psychic litmus B.S. test for hacks and frauds.  Well, all I will say is that MY personal, super-natural encounter had to do with a goat.

Now, here is the DVD cover for the American release:

This cover alone prevented me from checking out this film for almost three years, but finally, Netflix “suggested” I instantly view it, who am I to deny the red devils at NF?  So, watch it, I did.  Despite the description that Sean Astin stars in his “breakout role as a sadist”, I ventured forth into Borderland, hoping that Hobbits with a penchant for torture wasn’t on the menu.

As I write this, my Tea Party cronies sent me an article about how it might be a good idea to invade Mexico, because of the recent Mexican Lake Pirates and the Drug Cartels.  It might all sound like foolishness to you, and where “Machete” gave a cartoonish aspect of the current issues with Mexico, “Borderland” reminds us that in real life, people die, horribly.  If they are lucky, that is all that happens to them . . . there are much worse fates than death, amigos.

Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies and Mutant Pirhana got nothing on real life, and this opens up with the dreaded “Inspired by True Events”.  As with all these types of films, you will constantly struggle internally with what is fact and what is fiction.  Nothing overtly super-natural happens; the madness of men doesn’t need special effects when primal imagination is at hand.

I feel like I say “this one is not for the squeamish” an awful lot – but SERIOUSLY this one is NOT NOT NOT for the squeamish – you have been warned, kids.  Yes, that was a goat joke, suck it!

The acting in “Borderland” is magnificent by ALL players, someone who really stood out to me was Brian Presley as Ed.  Followed closely by his hot tamale lead, Valeria (Martha Higareda – who you might remember from Street Kings).  The guy who plays the really un-named devil, Gustavo (Marco Bacuzzi) is someone I would taze first THEN interview as he looked up at me from a pool of his own drool – just to be on the safe side.  His bio says he is a Mexican-Italian, seems like a monster to me, if he is a nice guy in real life, the guy is an AMAZING actor, cuz he scares the hell out of you, with his matter-of-fact delivery of death and torture – sometimes in that order.

There are some nice eye-candy shots strewn in the film, nothing really hyper-sexy mind you, and as I mentioned Sean Astin plays a sadistic criminal rapist and murderer.  Why casting chose him for the role is beyond me, probably cost it creepy points and might put this whole film in the dreaded “zany” category if not for the overall commitment of ALL people involved in this production, Astin included.

To my Tea Party friends who are Gung Ho to invade Mexico out of fear of the Drug Cartels, this one should be required viewing.  If you haven’t seen “Borderland” yet, save it for Halloween or a time when you really want to have a genuine scare.  Because I still insist, a horror movie is only scary when it is believable!  Given what occurred at Falcon Lake on the border of Mexico and Texas this week, where an American was gunned down by a Mexican Drug Cartel, I mean, shit, does it get more “believable” than that?  After watching “Borderland” you will find yourself saying, well, at least they killed him quickly – but, as I write this, his body has yet to be retrieved.